Lingers in the Afterwards
by Esther Honoria
Summary: "Count on me, James. No secrets." - Donna Hayward, 'Cooper's Dreams' script. Title: Antony and the Johnsons.
~oOo~

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Shadows moved across the sheets. Gray shapes that swayed with the wind. The noise of their movement was the rustling of sails. The wind blew over Maddy's face and through her hair as she smoothed the sheets, pinning them to the line. She liked their fight against her skin. Their odd, cool dampness in the sun. The golden light was in her hair, on the backs of her cold calves.

From behind rows of hanging cloths, a person appeared. There was the darkness of shadows from passing clouds and then there was her uncle. He was smiling, stepping lightly on the beams of sun touching the ground. Low hums raised from his throat to the inside of his mouth. Some strands of his hair blazed silver against backings of white.

"Uncle Leland," she said, continuing to pin the sheet to the line. She could feel what he was feeling, and it was warm and strange, something like an evening fog above a road in summer. "I couldn't stand being in the house any longer. I needed to do something," Maddy confessed, feeling compelled to explain herself. "I was going to go out with Donna, but I guess she changed her mind ..."

Maddy watched as her uncle's gaze strayed to the empty laundry basket a few inches from her feet, near the grass. The wind blew again, over her shoulder, moving the sheet, the sleeve of his jacket.

"Oh, you don't need Donna." His voice was playful, calm and even. His hands met each other before resting on his niece's shoulder, a pink wad of chewing gum appearing between his molars. "Now that you're done with the wash, do you want to go for a walk around the block? Maybe stretch our legs a bit before dinner..."

"Sure. I guess."

"Sarah'll probably be awake by the time we get back."

Maddy looked to the basket.

"We'll get it when we come back."

She smiled, mouthing OK.

They began to walk through the yard and out to the sidewalk under the trees. The shadows of branches passed over them without touch.

"I gave Aunt Sarah some warm milk with her medicine this morning." Maddy looked down, to the lines in the cement she was stepping on, to her brown shoes and the tiny specks of iridescence in her stockings. Her hands were clasped. "She has such a hard time sleeping. I can hear her from my room at night."

Leland closed his eyes and shook his head in consideration.

"Sometimes it's almost like I can feel what she's dreaming." Maddy's face changed to sadness. "I know that sounds silly."

He paused and reassuringly patted her arm. "Sarah, Beth ... and Laura all talked about that sort of thing before."

There was silence but for the sound of distant cars. Sparrows were moving in the tiers of branches ahead; dead leaves and debris fell to the pavement with their disturbance.

Maddy's thoughts went from her aunt's sadness and dreams to her cousin Laura in her room. She remembered the times when she and Laura used to climb the stairs together, rushing to get away from the adults. Once inside the room, on the bed, in the wicker chair, on the floor, they talked about so many things she couldn't remember now but could still feel. She could see Laura smiling. She could hear her laughter. She could still feel her hands holding her own.

Laura was always near. More than once Maddy had found herself in Laura's clothes without any recollection of putting them on, as if she were living out a memory or waking from a dream.

When she wore Laura's clothes she felt like she knew her cousin better. As though somehow the answers only Laura knew could be found, uncovered from wherever she had locked them away.

 _Don't ever wear my stuff. Don't ever wear my stuff. Never._

"Uncle Leland?"

"Yes, Madeleine?"

"Do you dream of Laura?"

His stance weakened as his steps halted, face falling. She regretted asking; she knew the answer already, but the words had escaped in a moment of withdrawal.

"All the time."

A sudden breeze made the trees creak as they swayed. Maddy looked at brick steps leading to a open door as her mind went to the woods. She could feel the leaves, fallen limbs, things hitting against her legs and sides as she walked quickly through the darkness.

"I had one of those dreams again last night."

He blinked, registering the new information. "Dreams?"

"The ones I told Aunt Sarah about, where I see that man. The man who has something to do with Laura's death."

In the time Leland could have replied there was instead an eclipse of sound, one of an engine. They both turned to see James Hurley approaching, riding the yellow line between lanes. The warmth from the motorcycle reached Maddy's legs as it paused on the pavement beside her.

The boy's face was drawn, unreadable. "I called from the Bookhouse but no one answered. I needed to talk to someone. I needed to talk to you."

Maddy's hand went to a necklace she wasn't wearing then to her collarbone. Leland began to take a few steps backward, toward the house. "Madeleine, I'll see you in time for supper?"

"Yes." She turned to James who nodded. "I'll see you later, Uncle Leland."

Maddy watched as her uncle waved over his shoulder on his return walk home, then she directed her attention back to James. "What's happened, James? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Then what's going on?"

"I can't find Donna anywhere."

"Donna?" She turned away, wanting to laugh for some reason.

James shrugged. "She was supposed to be done delivering the Meals on Wheels by this time. It's after six."

There was a moment where he said nothing, his eyes darting over the motorcycle's controls as he tried to piece things together. "She's been acting real strange lately. I told you. She's gone all the time. It's like she's trying to be somethin' she's not." James hesitated before saying more. "It's almost like she's trying to take up from where Laura left off."

Maddy waited before going to his side. A hand moved to rest on the nearest arm. "James, I'm sorry."

Recognizing the tone of her voice, James looked into her eyes before he turned away, gripping tighter a handle of the bike. "I am too. It bothers me, you know. I worry about her. Laura's killer is still out there."

She placed one hand in the palm of the other, awkwardly turning her fingers. She was playing out a vision of herself whispering in James' ear. Something dark, seductive. Something she'd normally never say. She saw herself afterwards press her mouth to his, changing him. Moving him with her into the darkness where all senses were deprived but for touch.

There was a danger and strangeness about her thoughts, like they belonged to someone else and she was only borrowing them.

James' jacket was worn beneath her hands, soft but at the same time dry and cracked. She could smell the cleanness of his hair and skin.

She knew Donna would be upset if she discovered James had been with her, but for some reason that didn't seem to make her want to stop.

If Donna really cared about James she would be spending time with him, not making him worry about where she was.

If James were _her_ boyfriend she would never treat him that way.

Maddy knew people saw her as Laura, but she was born with her face. She couldn't help it. The way Donna was behaving, with her cigarettes and Laura's sunglasses, it seemed almost a mockery of the girl whose demeanor she borrowed.

With a heaviness in her stomach she wondered if Donna and James had already slept together.

As her thoughts drifted to areas she shouldn't enter, the wind suddenly became so strong she had to turn her head before reopening her eyes.

When she could see again, she knew she had been wrong. James was staring at her, and she knew, somehow, that he had felt some of what she had before. He had felt it and wasn't afraid of accepting it.

"Do you want to go somewhere, maybe drive past the woods?" He asked, his voice soft, as though he were younger. A boy on the other side of a counter.

Maddy wanted to. She wanted to go with him anywhere they could be alone, even if it was only to hear him talk. But it wasn't right. She was afraid she wouldn't be able to prevent herself from trying to act out some of her dreams.

She half expected him to not meet her eyes, but when they stayed with her she knew; he meant to follow what she hadn't consciously roused.

Arms crossed, she opened her mouth as if to speak, shutting it quickly; tears in her eyes. "No, James. I think I should go back. Uncle Leland and Aunt Sarah will be waiting. Maybe Donna's home by now."

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~oOo~


End file.
